king cake. yum.

so, joel's mom sent us a king cake on friday. it got to our house late in the afternoon. it was gone by lunchtime on saturday. (thanks debbie!! it was yummy!) i decided to try to make one this weekend and bring it (take it? sorry, english people) with us to community group on sunday night. (this would prevent us from eating two entire king cakes in one weekend) i was ready to get started, then realized i had forgotten to get flour from walmart friday evening on my weekly shopping trip. joel ran and got me some flour. i tried emeril's recipe for king cake and it was as hard as a rock (even after i left it to rise for 2 hours. nice) the yeast was wack. on my second attempt, with a different recipe (one from your cookbook, ash) and thanks to some yeast from lynn, we had success. this is much more explaining than i had intended... and i am getting bored with this story.

i made a king cake. it was yummy. our community group liked it. joel got the baby. the end.

davis and lane are big fans of king cake. davis is also a fan of playing with empty coke bottles.

life

so this may be a little deeper than i usually do. not too deep, no worries, just sorta deep. is there such a thing? is it either deep or shallow or is there an in between? oh, my... moving on.

i just thought that i would give an update and also share a little about what the Lord is teaching me through this crazy past week-ish in our lives.

first off, the facts. ellen is doing well. she is enjoying formula (as much as you can enjoy that stinky stuff) to the point where we don't have to include juice with it anymore. i am no longer in any pain, the meds have been doing the job for me- i am physically fine. praise the Lord! i am not really facing any of the problems that are a result of stopping nursing anymore, either, if you catch my drift, so that is a blessing also.

now to my feelings. ah, this is where the problem lies for me, i believe. i have been sorting through some pretty tough stuff in my feeler and unfortunately, that stuff wins out over what i know in my head some of the time. i don't question for one second that the Lord is in control of my life, i don't question at all the fact that He is working in my life for my good and for His glory (thanks for that reminder, bonnie!) now, these things my head and heart know, my feeler tells me different. and i chose to sit in my feelings. i was angry that this happened, i am still a little frustrated with not having a choice to stop nursing. i feel like i don't know ellen all that well anymore, i feel like now i could walk out the door and she would never know the difference. i feel like her personality has changed, she is fussier and we can't quite get into our groove yet. she smells different, her poo is different. i have to figure out how much to feed her, carry all kinds of bottle pieces with me places, i feel overwhelmed by bottle feeding. i feel like she is having a hard time adjusting, but let's face it SHE ISN'T. I AM. i feel like now what? we have made it throught this rough time for what? the everyday mundane stuff? God brought me through that for this? doesn't feel very different or that great actually. feelings are sometimes pretty deceptive, eh? (and by the by, i realize that i am needing to give myself some grace- hormones and meds and all)

sunday after church a song came on my cd player and it hit me that i have a choice. i am not going to sit in my crap anymore. now, i am not skipping thru the fields or anything, but i can rest in His plan for my life, allow Him to teach me in rough things, do my best not to miss out on the hard lessons. and i can really smile and tell you that i am doing okay.

i choose His freedom, gladness and light, His cross. His balm, His calm, His jubilant psalm... even if i don't really feel like it. and thanks to joel and my sweet friends that have helped me sort thru this this. (hope that i wasn't a bummer julie) and oh, did i say thanks, joel? you are the best.

here is the song: [and i realize the cheesy factor in this, and openly mock myself for doing it, so i beat you to it.]

Jesus, I Come
Out of my bondage, sorrow and night, Jesus, I come; Jesus I come. Into Thy freedom, gladness and light, Jesus, I come to Thee. Out of my sickness into Thy health, Out of my wanting and into Thy wealth, Out of my sin and into Thyself, Jesus, I come to Thee.
Out of my shameful failure and loss, Jesus, I come; Jesus, I come. Into the glorious gain of Thy cross, Jesus, I come to Thee. Out of earth’s sorrows into Thy balm, Out of life’s storms and into Thy calm, Out of distress into jubilant psalm, Jesus, I come to Thee.
Out of unrest and arrogant pride, Jesus, I come; Jesus, I come. Into Thy blessed will to abide, Jesus, I come to Thee. Out of myself to dwell in Thy love, Out of despair into raptures above, Upward forever on wings like a dove, Jesus, I come to Thee.
Out of the fear and dread of the tomb, Jesus, I come; Jesus, I come. Into the joy and light of Thy home, Jesus, I come to Thee. Out of the depths of ruin untold, Into the peace of Thy sheltering fold, Ever Thy glorious face to behold, Jesus, I come to Thee.
© 2000 Greg Thompson Music.

and tomorrow i am eating dinner at 4:30 at the picadilly

the last few days can be summed up in one sentence:

i found out i have shingles and in order to treat it, i have had to stop nursing ellen.

but, as you can imagine, that is a pretty loaded sentence.

please pray for me. shingles are very painful, even for a youngster like me :).

please pray for ellen. she has never in her nine months of life had a bottle. yesterday morning was my last time to nurse her. i have been pretty much a wreck. she isn't taking a bottle at all, and at lunchtime we will try our third brand of bottle. pray she loves it! :)

i am reminded of how much the Lord cares for me and loves me and my family. He has blessed me with sweet, praying friends and family. He has blessed me with a wonderful, understanding husband and sweet, patient boys. i am able to learn more of ellen's personality through this :). He knows my days, He has not been surprised by the fact that i have shingles or that ellen is not able to nurse anymore. i thank Him for His comfort and reassurance. may i keep my eyes focused on Him and be quick to give Him glory for bringing us through this yuck.

wednesday

so, today has been bittersweet. we had Bible study, or small group or whatever you want to call it here at the house like every wednesday, but today was my friend alisha's last time to come for a while. she is moving to the mountains next week and i am sad. it's not too far away and i know that i will talk to her and i will even see her sometimes, but after she left today it hit me. i am bummed. i don't like it when the Lord's plan for my friends is for them to move away, but it is the second time in less than a year, and i trust that His plan is much perfecter than mine. so, okay, Lord. i am trying to understand. sigh.


here is a picture of ellen watching her brothers play outside.

kids and snow and a resolution update.

so, we are doing pretty well. i have been a little on the lazy side this week, honestly. just as predicted, exercising and keeping my mouth shut have been the most difficult resolutions to keep. i haven't exercised one time, and although i have made efforts to listen more, talk less- i haven't completely been successful. :) i have been able to read my Bible everyday, well, the Bible on my ipod anyway. even if i have to do it while i am nursing ellen, i have so enjoyed it! i have lost a few lbs. and have done pretty well in the spending category. i have cooked a lot more, and have tried to keep it healthful, so yay! the direct tv being off has gone well, too- we (well, i) have scrambled a couple of times to get kids in bed in order to watch a show. tivo, i was your biggest fan. (not to be confused with tim teebo- stacey and other sporty friends, that is for you. even though i highly tout teebo and his Jesus-loving-football-playing self) where was i- oh- i am going to be watching lost on the computer, because i couldn't watch from start to finish and i don't want to be interrupted during lost. i do believe that is the most random and wacky paragraph that i have ever written.

we had snow! it wasn't a lot, but it was nice. joel had to go to work, and i found it a little difficult to keep up with all three kiddos by myself. we bundled up and headed out anyway. ellen seemed oblivious- she just crawled around a little, but i brought her in after a few minutes.

lane and davis started to play in it right away. then lane realized that the snow made his hands wet and that it was cold and snow got on his golf club and wouldn't come off and he didn't want gloves on and the world was coming to an end. he came inside after about 5 minutes.

davis loved being out in it. i wish that i could've played with him more, he was all bundled up with boots and a snow bib, gloves and hat. he was loving it. until he peed his pants. poor thing. it has only happened a couple of times ever, and he was so bummed. he wanted to keep playing in the snow, but i made him come in. (davis if you are ever old enough to read this- i just want you to know it is my job as a parent to remember stories like these and tell everyone we know.) that was the end of our snow day. and this is the end of today's blog. :)

my nine new years resolutions

or- if you totally have a handle on your money and weight, make the best use of your time and have perfect children, please read the following with grace, because i don't.

so, a while back i started to feel like my life was out of control. (now as a quick aside, please know that i believe with all of my being that God is sovereign, and in complete control.) i have been excited about making a change, even though i usually do not like change. i had decided that once 2009 came around, things were going to look a lot different around the parker house, and in my life in particular. i can't remember really making any new years resolutions in the past, but i had to change some things. while i was talking to joel about some of my frustrations, he said it really sounds like some stuff really has control over us (or you, meaning me, angie, the blog writer, not you, the blog reader) i never had thought of it that way, but he was so right. there are a few things that i have allowed much too important a place in my life and in the life of my family. a lot of my 'resolutions' have come out of some things that the Lord has shown me. a lot of things about me are undesirable, yet He chooses me and lifts me up so that i can be productive and bear fruit in order that i might glorify Him.

so, here go your changes:

LESS TV

2008- (and many years prior) i am a tv junkie! this is how i veg. i have turned my children into tv junkies. the tv is on almost all day until joel gets home. after the kids go to bed, i turn the tv back on and watch until i go to bed, which is late here in the eastern time zone. we have a tivo and i inadvertently try to rewind the radio and hotel tv's, etc. love my tivo! love my tv shows!

2009- joel unhooked the tivo and the direct tv last night and hooked up our cute little digital converter box. i have to be honest, my chest tightened a bit and i had to take deep breaths. this is big, peeps! i don't know how many channels we get now, or the quality of said channels we might get, but i look forward to sweet times like this:

SPEND LESS

2008 (and many years prior) hey, we don't spend money left and right, but i do spend on needless things for me and the kids.

2009- magazine subscriptions cancelled, eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for sunday lunch (which just goes against all rational thought- i mean my body needs salsaritas for lunch every sunday we can swing it), little changes that will help us be better stewards. the no direct tv bill will be nice, too.

EXERCISE MORE

um, i am waiting for my workout videos to come any day now, seriously. and i used christmas money to purchase them, so there. i will say that this will be my most difficult one to follow through on. let it be known that i am going on a sa-weet vacation with my husband this summer for our 10 year anniversary. i will be in better shape by then. amen and amen.

EAT LESS

2008 (and many years prior) i have been pregnant or nursing for the last 5 ish years of my life. i eat whatever i want when i am pregnant or nursing. this is not the best idea. this is truly an area that i have lost control. i eat especially when i am depressed or frustrated or when i am happy and want to celebrate. uh oh, i just realized that that is almost all of the time. yikes. (you get the picture)

2009- i am currently very hungry. would someone please bring by some raisinettes? or mail them, because chances are, i will be hungry when the package arrives.

READ THE BIBLE

2008 (and many years prior) i have not had a consistent personal time in the Word since i was pregnant with davis. peeps, he is 4 1/2. i am just being gut level here. i have done Bible study homework, and or prepared for times that i have taught, but quiet times and Bible reading have been sporadic at best. this has caused my heart much grief and there has been much guilt. but that was angie version 2008.

2009- i must report that i have done better with this and enjoyed every moment. my wunnerful husband bought me a ipod touch for christmas. i click the screen three times and my daily Bible reading is right there on the screen. i have so enjoyed this time. i have also been able to listen to cool sermons on my ipod. i am excited about knowing my God more and giving him control on a daily basis. joel suggested that getting an ipod doesn't guarantee a spiritual boost, so fair warning, i guess.

ENGAGE MORE AS A PARENT

2008 (and many years prior) a friend told me that she learned along the way that screaming at your kids means you have lost control. oops! i am very good at parenting from the couch. and i tend to check out and need 'me' time when i am frustrated. our chore chart/responsibility chart is so lame and i have slacked in my homeschooling davis.

2009- i am so enjoying homeschooling! the kids are, too. we are rethinking how we do things with the kids, really seeking the Lord on how to best parent them as individuals (you know, that ellen is a real discipline problem) too much to type here. look out parker kids.

READ MORE
2008 (and many years prior) i can't remember the last time i started and finished a book. i am a book collector. i buy them, put them on the nightstand with every intention of reading, then move them to the bookshelf.

2009 i have read 10 books already. just kidding- is anyone still reading this? i am reading don't waste your life with my friend alisha. this will be the first book of many that i will complete this year. goodness knows i won't be watching top chef, so this should help with the reading.

DECLUTTER OUR HOUSE

2008 (and many years prior) we were on the verge of our stuff overtaking us and our house. i really don't do well with clutter, but over the years, i haven't taken the time to really get rid of the stuff we don't use.

2009 joel took a truck load of stuff to the goodwill on saturday. this process will take longer than i would like, but we are on the right track.

SHUT UP MORE, LISTEN MORE
if you are around me at all this needs no explanation. i am a verbal processor and i tend to dominate conversations. this will be the second hardest one to follow through on.

now there is a church sign here in town that says something like this...

"Goals for 2008: Save money, lose weight. How's that working for you?" it made me chuckle. it made me think this time next year (because we can guess that they will put the same thing on there) i will be able to say in your face, tacky lighted church sign. in. your. face.

so there you have it. i have had a great 2009 so far and i am hopeful about what is to come.

our sweetie girl

our sweet ellen is getting to be such a big girl! (lane does not agree- he argued with me the other day and said that she is a "little baby one") she is crawling everywhere and now starting to pull up on things. did i mention that i am not quite ready for the pulling up stage? she puts everything in her mouth and i can't take my eyes off of her lest she ingest an army man or a string or a fuzz or a tiny christmas tree pine needle. how did i forget this stage? it has kind of taken me by surprise. she cut her first tooth this week and got her learner's permit. it is really going too fast. don't worry, she got some mary janes for christmas from our friend vicki. they are super CUTE! maybe a bitty baby for her birthday?

we had fun at aunt's house playing with some hats. i thought i'd share some of the pics: